The ballad of Lidl & Aldi (2014)
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1. The wife she broke her ankle when she tumbled off the bike,
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leaving
me to do the housework, a job I never liked.
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And doing the weekly shopping seems
a dreadful chore to me,
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till
I discovered Lidl and Aldi,
Lidl and Aldi, Lidl didee.
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2. I just can‘t wait for Thursdays when the specials go on view,
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I‘m the
first man to the trolleys and the first man in the queue.
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For now I know what women mean
about retail therapy,
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it‘s Lidl
and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl didee.
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3. Angle grinders and black puddings and pots of German jam,
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a
lump of hairy bacon and a wet suit from Japan.
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Packs of streaky rashers, and
a crate of Russian stout,
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and a
portable generator just in case the lights go out.
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Alloy wheels and windscreen
wipers, and a bag of Rooster spuds,
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an
inflatable rubber dinghy to help survive the floods.
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Spanners, stoppers and fish
fingers,
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they‘re
so cheap, they‘re damn near free,
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at Lidl and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl didee.
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4. There‘s welding rods and primer beef to make a party stew,
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a hiking
staff and spiky boots for climbing Kathmandu.
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Big heads of curly cabbage to make you eat your fill,
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sledgehammers
and bananas and a lovely cordless drill.
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There‘s hatches and
Hamburgers, and there‘s tins of beans and peas,
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and a
petrol driven chainsaw for cutting bits off trees.
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Strimmers,
sabres, saws and sausages, computers and TVs,
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at Lidl and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl didee.
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5. Now the wife, she‘s gone ballistic, me marriage is on the rocks,
with
her crutches and her shopping bags
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she‘s hobbling round the shops.
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And she‘s cut up all me credit
cards, I‘m sad as sad could be :
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no
more Aldi, Lidl or Aldi, no more Lidl didee for me,
(orig. moves up half a note to
capo 1st here)
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6. Now me shed is full of plastic shit I really didn‘t‘
want,
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and
the garden’s full of furniture, and the house is full of plants.
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And I‘m living in the
doghouse, Rover, Fido, Shep
and me,
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all
because of Lidl
and Aldi, Lidl and Aldi, Lidl didee.
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7. No angle grinders or black puddings, no more pots of German jam,
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no lumps
of hairy bacon, no more wet suits from Japan,
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No packs of streaky rashers,
and I‘ll have to do without
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a
portable generator, in case the lights go out.
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No alloy wheels or windscreen
wipers, no more bags of rooster spuds,
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no
inflatable rubber dinghies to help survive the floods.
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I am living in the doghouse,
I‘m as sad as sad can be,
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no
more Aldi,Lidl or Aldi no
more Lidl didee for me !
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No Aldi,
Lidl or Aldi, no more Lidl didee for me.
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(Now you‘re sucking Diesel !)
(Seamus Moore)