The ad-dressing of cats
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1. You've heard of several kinds of cat, and my opinion now is that,
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you should need no interpreter
to understand our character.
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You've learned enough to take
the view
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that cats are very much like you.
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You've seen us both at work
and games,
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and learnt about our proper
names,
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our habits and our habitat :
But how would you address a cat ?
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So first, your memory I'll
jog, and say : A cat is not a dog.
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2. Now dogs pretend they like to fight, they often bark, more seldom
bite,
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but yet a dog is, on the
whole, what you would call a simple soul.
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The usual dog about the town
is much inclined to play the clown,
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and far from showing too much
pride is frequently undignified.
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He's such an easy-going lout,
he'll answer any hail or shout.
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The usual dog about the town
is inclined to play the clown.
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Again I must remind you that a
dog's a dog, a cat's a cat.
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3. With cats, some say, one rule is true :
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Don't speak till you are
spoken to.
(orig. moves up half a note to capo 2nd here)
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Myself, I do not hold with
that, I say, you should address a cat,
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but always bear in mind that
he resents familiarity.
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You bow, and taking off your
hat, address him in this form: O Cat !
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4. Before a cat will condescend to treat you as a trusted friend,
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some little token of esteem is
needed, like a dish of cream.
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And you might now and then
supply some caviar or Strassburg Pie,
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some potted grouse, or salmon
paste,
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he's sure to have his personal
taste,
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and so in time you reach your
aim, and call him by his name.
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So this is this, and that is
that : And there's how you address a cat,
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a cat's entitled to expect
these evidences of respect.
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So this is this, and that is
that : And there's how you address a cat !
(orig. = capo 1st) (Andrew
Lloyd Webber)