Burgular bold    (intro)

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1. I'll sing you a song of a burgular bold, who tried to rob a house,

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he opened the window and crept right in, as quiet as a mouse.

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He said to himself, 'I'll hide away 'til ev'ryone is asleep.

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then, quick as a flash, I'll take their cash

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and out of the house I'll creep.

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2. So he hid himself right under the bed, hard up against the wall,

but he hadn't a clue who owned the place,

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or he'd never have stayed at all.

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He never thought, well, he never knew as under the bed he lay,

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that in the night he'd get a fright that'd turn all his hair to grey.

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3. At nine o'clock the owner came in, 'I'm tired as tired,' she said,

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and thinking that night that all was right, she didn't look under the bed.

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She took out her teeth and her old glass eye,

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and the hair from off her head.

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and the burgular bold turned icy cold with panic beneath the bed.

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4. Well, he waited for hours, then out he crept, he felt a total wreck,

but the old maid, she was still awake

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and she grabbed him by the neck.

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She never screamed or fainted away, but calm as any clam,

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she said, 'My prayers are answered, oh,

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thank heaven, I've found a man !'

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5. She whipped a revolver from under the pillow and to the burgular said,

'Young fellow, you'll have to marry me now,

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or I'll blow off the top of your head!'

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She held him tight and the burgular knew

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that there wasn't a chance to scoot.

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She looked at her teeth and he heaved a sigh

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at the ghastly wig and the old glass eye,

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the coy little smile, the provocative pose,

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and the varicose veins on the end of her nose.

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He said, 'Lady, for God's sake, shoot !' (sound of shot)

(orig. = capo 1st) (Rolf Harris)